BMZ
by Red Witch
Summary: The Brotherhood create their own gossip show, much to the dismay of the X-Men. Just what TV needs.


**The paparazzi have taken off with the disclaimer saying I don't own any X-Men Evolution characters. I know it's been a while since I did a Brotherhood fic. Hey, there are other worlds besides the Misfitverse you know? Anyway it just came into my deranged mind so enjoy! **

**BMZ**

"Welcome television viewers to BMZ! Brotherhood Mayhem Zone!" Pietro spoke on camera. "We at the Brotherhood decided to cash in on two major trends: Gossip shows and the Writer's strike! So sit back and be prepared to be blown away by all the scandal and intrigue of mutant lives! What **really** goes on behind the walls of the Xavier Institute and the Brotherhood House!"

"PROFESSOR!" Scott yelled. "THEY'RE AT IT AGAIN!"

"They're on television **again?**" Hank asked as he walked into the living room to find a few X-Men watching television. "We're still getting phone calls about the debacle they made **last year** with their Christmas special!"

"I still can't believe the station would let them air this garbage," Rogue fumed. "I guess some people will watch **anything.**"

"Why can't they just go back to blowing stuff up or stealing things?" Scott groaned. "At least then we knew how to deal with them and they didn't create **half** as much bad publicity as they did when they were on TV!"

"I know," Hank sighed. "Every time those boys put on one of their stupid public access shows the mutant community takes another hit in public perception!"

"All right here's our first scoop," Lance was on camera. "What recently mutant hating un-elected mayoral candidate and local principal was seen having a secret rendezvous with the current mayor's **wife?**" Several pictures of Kelly talking with the mayor's wife at a bar and giving her a hug and a kiss.

"But then again the current mayor who only won based on the senior and mobster vote hasn't exactly been faithful himself," Fred walked in. Pictures of the current mayor kissing his secretary was shown. As well as a picture with the mayor passed out drunk with a huge woman in a large red dress, huge red hair and makeup. It was clearly Fred in a dress waving to the camera.

"That's uh…My cousin Fredrika," Fred said quickly. "Yeah, my cousin Fredrika. Just passing through town on the way to the hooker's convention…Somewhere. In a secret location."

"And mutant human politics are set back for **another** twenty years," Hank moaned.

"Here we have pictures of a certain Nightcreeper and his lady love sneaking around on a date when she was supposed to be at the library," Todd showed pictures of Kurt and Amanda kissing.

"WHAT?" Kurt shot up. "NOT AGAIN! WHY DOES TOAD HAVE TO RUIN MY LIFE AGAIN?"

"But is all this secrecy necessary?" Todd asked. "BMZ has just obtained some exclusive footage of Amanda's mother, Margali Sefton doing a little something out of the ordinary herself."

Then there was some video of Amanda's mother doing the dishes and when she thought no one was looking the dishes started flying all over the place, cleaning themselves. "Oh my God…" Kurt's jaw dropped.

Then there was another shot of Amanda's mother levitating while she was meditating. She was also glowing a bright orange at the time. She even made a glowing ball in her hands and appeared to be talking to someone through it like it was a crystal ball. "Hello Steven. No nothing out of the ordinary. I just wanted to check in and…" She floated away to a different room.

"Is Margali Sefton really a mutant and is ashamed of her heritage?" Todd spoke. "Is the only reason she's disapproving of her daughter's relationship with a known mutant is that she doesn't want people to know the family secret? And who is this Steven fellow? Close friend? Fellow mutant? Or something more?"

"Either way there's gonna be a lot of interesting discussions thrown around the dinner table at the Sefton house tonight," Pyro grinned. "Oh and speaking of interesting things about Blue Boy! Here's a blast from the past I found in his mommy Mystique's trunk."

It was a picture of Sabertooth and Mystique kissing. "There are other pictures folks but due to FCC ratings this is the only one we can show," Lance said. "So it looks like that the mother of Nightcrawler, adopted mother of Rogue once had a thing for Sabertooth, part time henchman and full time pain in Wolverine's butt!"

"I think I am going to be sick…" Rogue winced.

"He did it again…" Kurt was stunned. "Toad ruined my life **again!** Why do we let him live? Seriously? Why?"

"Hey guys look **what else** I found!" Pietro put up another picture. "This is a picture of Mystique kissing Wolverine! Maybe that's what started the feud!"

"Now I **know** I am going to be sick!" Rogue shouted. "LOGAN!"

"Wait a minute!" Logan got up out of his seat. "I don't even **remember** this! That has got to be a fake!"

"You don't remember **half** your life or when you were born!" Kitty snapped. "That doesn't mean that didn't happen!"

"It didn't mean it did happen either!" Logan barked. "At least, I'm pretty sure that didn't happen. Maybe…"

"And here's some more love connections!" Pietro grinned. "This is one of Cyclops and Jean Grey in the back seat of his car. Here's another one in the back seat of the car…Oh I can't show **this** one from the back seat of the car!"

"THOSE DISGUSTING PEEPING TOMS!" Jean shrieked. "HOW DARE THEY INVADE OUR PRIVACY!"

"That's what they **live** for Jean!" Kitty rolled her eyes.

"Here's Iceman singing in his boxer shorts!" Todd piped up. Next showed a grainy video of Bobby dancing around in his boxer shorts singing in his bedroom.

"I don't even want to **know** how they got that tape!" Bobby yelled. No one noticed Jamie sitting in the corner whistling innocently.

"But that is nothing compared to the disgusting habits of some other people who live there," Todd spoke over a picture of Kitty drinking from the milk carton.

"YOU DID IT AGAIN! WHY DO YOU ALWAYS DO THAT?" Kurt yelled.

Then there was a shot of Ray drinking from the milk carton right after Kitty left the kitchen. Then when Ray left the kitchen and then Bobby walked in munching a Twinkie and then drinking from the milk carton.

"So **that's **what happened to my Twinkies!" Hank roared at Bobby. "You said Logan at them all!"

"THE POPSICLE SAID **WHAT?**" Logan barked.

"I **really** feel sick now…" Rogue winced as she saw Bobby leaving the kitchen and Rogue walking in. She winced as she watched herself pouring a glass of milk and drinking.

"Why does this milk taste like Twinkies?" On Camera Rogue said.

"I think I am going to throw up and sterilize my tongue," Rogue moaned as she staggered out of the room. "Remind me to **kill **all of you when I get back!"

"We should kill the Brotherhood instead!" Kitty yelled as there was a scene of her dancing around in her pajamas. "HOW DID THEY **DO** THIS? HOW DID THEY GET SO MUCH FILM OF US?"

"They're **real** tricky," Jamie said innocently. "Nope, can't trust 'em. That's what I say."

"And you can't trust certain people with **Twinkies,**" Hank glared at Bobby. "Where's the box Bobby? I know you stole my last box of Twinkies!"

"Come on Beast…" Bobby backed away.

"Tell me where the Twinkies are and nobody gets hurt," Hank growled.

"I think we're about to find out," Scott pointed on screen. It showed footage of Kitty secretly giving Colossus some Twinkies and laughing with him out in the garden.

"Why am I not surprised?" Kurt quipped. "A woman who drinks out of the carton would steal Twinkies and give them to the enemy without a thought."

"Hey! Colossus is not an enemy!" Kitty protested.

"Apparently not to you!" Logan barked when he saw Kitty kissing Colossus on the cheek. "HALF PINT WE NEED TO TALK!"

"I DON'T THINK A MAN WHO LIP LOCKED MYSTIQUE IS IN ANY POSITION IN TELLING ME WHO I CAN OR CAN'T KISS!" Kitty shouted. "And don't give me that amnesia excuse! It's getting **old!"**

"WHAT IS KITTY DOING?" Lance shouted on screen.

"I think it's pretty obvious what she's doing, mate," Pyro said. "She's kissing him. See, here she is with puckered lips. And now in this replay she's laying a big wet one on…"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" Lance yelled as he started shaking up the station with his powers.

"Lance! Calm down! Knock it off man or you'll rock the place down!" Pietro, Fred and Pyro jumped on Lance in order to try and stop him.

"I'LL KILL HIM! I'LL KILL HIM!" Lance screamed wildly. "KITTY!"

"What is going on in here?" Professor Xavier wheeled in to find everyone screaming at each other. Then he saw what was on television. "Oh…"

"Professor the Brotherhood has been like totally invading our privacy and showing it for everyone to see!" Kitty fumed.

"Yeah we saw you drinking out of the carton, dancing in your pajamas, stealing Twinkies and giving them to your bad guy boyfriend!" Kurt snapped.

"Oh go sneak off to the library with your girlfriend who's mom is pretending she's not a mutant!" Kitty snapped.

"At least Kurt isn't a Twinkie thief! Or a liar!" Hank shouted.

"I'm not lying! I really don't remember dating Mystique!" Logan shouted.

"NOT YOU!" Hank barked.

"You dated **Mystique?"** Xavier did a double take.

"Apparently," Logan sighed. "And she dated Sabertooth as well."

"No wonder Rogue is throwing up in the bathroom," Xavier sighed.

"I say we go down there and **firebomb** the station!" Scott yelled. "Blow it up once and for all so those morons can never put on another stupid television show again!"

"I agree Scott! It's the only way our lives won't be completely ruined!" Jean said. "And so will Rouge once she gets out of the bathroom."

"Scott, Jean, we are not going to **blow up** a television station no matter how…" Xavier sighed.

"Uh due to technical difficulties BMZ is going to commercial for a bit," Pyro shouted. "OW! LANCE! NO BITING!"

"And when we get back we've got the exclusive details of Charles Xavier's love life!" Todd hopped back on screen away from the fight. "We got a story and pictures about how he fooled around with a nurse and was engaged to another woman before he got hitched to that Haller dame!"

"You know if you all leave right **now**, you might be able to beat the traffic and get there before the end of the commercial break," Xavier said to his team.


End file.
